Maybe never
by Staz
Summary: Sequel to the story "All in" and my response to the HBX Challenge of July 2008. Now fixing the hotel room in Paraguay scene.


Disclaimer: All things JAG are not mine.

A/N: Well, there was a whole bandwagon of people asking for a sequel, so here it is! This is the sequel to my story "All in". It is also my response to the HBX challenge of July 2008, though I slightly changed the lines – I hope it still counts. Watch out – it's short!

**Maybe never**

"I think you know why..."

For a brief moment I want to give up. There's only so much a woman can take before she packs up her heart, folds the cards and walks away.

But I can't. There's too much at stake; my breaking heart for one.

"You know what, Harm? I thought so too. But now... I don't know anymore!" I throw back the sheets and get out of the bed, feeling the need to move before I punch something. "I thought that when you said you were 'all in'" I make use of air quotations, "it meant you wanted something more with me. Apparently I was wrong."

My breathing is not that regular and I can feel slight heat in my cheeks; I'm not used to being this frank with him. "Obviously, I was wrong to think that when you asked me to come back to you, you meant more than just alive and well."

"What does it matter now anyways?" He asks dejectedly. He's not even looking at me. Why is he not fighting me? He should be in my face at this point in our argument! Is this his way of letting me down easy after he's changed his mind? Well, hell if I'm gonna make it easy on him. He's gonna have to tear my heart to pieces himself if he wants to.

"What do you mean, what does it matter? It matters a lot to me!"

He looks up finally and I almost swear out loud; he looks offended. And I bet I know why. You stupid, holier than thou, son of a-

"You've got Webb now..."

"I do not- ugh!" I throw my hands up in exasperation, resisting the temptation to pull at my hair. "It was a kiss, Harm! A meaningless, friendly, supportive, you're-gonna-be-okay peck on the lips!"

Harm just keeps looking at me, obviously not convinced.

"I don't know if your mind had the time to assimilate where you freed us from, but I had my life turned upside down and inside out! Webb was being tortured! Day and night! Insisting they keep taking him so I wouldn't get hurt!"

I don't know how it happened but suddenly he's only two steps away from me, his eyes ablaze.

"No, Mac, I didn't let my mind digest what I saw; where and what I freed you from, because if I did I would have had my heart stop, just trying to deal with the questions waiting to haunt it!" I swear I can feel his heart constricting, I'd hug him if I didn't think he's throw me clear across the room. "What if I didn't resign my commission? What if I didn't manage to track you down? What if I'd have been 5 minutes late..."

His voice breaks on the last word and just like that he takes the few steps needed to slump back down to the edge of the bed, completely deflated, and buries his head in his hands.

Oh god.

"Harm..." I walk over to him and softly sink to my knees between his. I wrap my hands around his wrists and bring my head close to his.

"You weren't late and you did save us and that's all that matters right now."

He just sighs in response.

I move one hand from wrist to cheek, caressing the strong features. "You know what I was thinking before you barged into that shack?" Time for a different tactic.

"Mac, don't.." Oh, but I will.

"I was thinking about those kisses we shared the night I left." He's hanging on to my every word now. "I focused all the parts of my brain that weren't busy pumping adrenalin all on you; wishing I could conjure you up with sheer power of thought." Harm lifts his head an inch, and I catch his eyes. "And then you came."

"Mac.." He tries to stop me, but it won't work this time.

"And I thought; well, I must have lost consciousness from the pain, I'm dreaming now." He's not trying to stop me anymore, which is good – I need to get this out. "And then you freed me and pulled me up and out of there, all without one word." I try to sniff the tears back into my eyes, but it's a no go.

"In some small part of my mind I was thinking that if I had conjured you to me, maybe I can focus really really hard and send us both back to the night I left... spare us from this hell..."

I pull my hand from his to wipe the wetness off my cheeks, but he hastens and does it for me. I smile briefly up at him and continue. "But then we just couldn't seem to stop bickering..."

"Mac..." Once again he tries to speak, but I'm not done yet.

"No, Harm. I'm sorry. I don't think I made myself clear that night... I'm all in too. I –"

Apparently, Harm figures I've said my piece, as he takes away my ability to think, much less speak, when his lips take mine.

It's a slow, emotional kiss, rather similar to the last one we shared, and that has been on repeat in my mind ever since.

I bring both hands to the back of his head, allowing my body to move closer to his.

Ever the quick thinker, Harm picks me up from under my arms and brings me to his lap.

Oh I like this much better; straddling him, pressed to him. Much better. I finally pull back and brace myself against him.

"Oh good." I take a quick breath as his roaming hands touch a sensitive spot, "I was beginning to worry you were no longer interested."

Harm flashes me a grin I haven't seen in too damned long and moves to caress my thighs, leaving only one thought drifting in my mind – oh... yes...

"Harmmm..." he trails kissed up my neck and I melt in his arms, turning my head to capture his mouth with mine once again. I will never get enough of this. I shift my weight and Harm takes the hint and brings us to a horizontal position on the sheets. Oh god, I have Harm on top of me, between my legs. This night could not have ended any better, I have got to remember to start heated arguments with him more often.

The slight breeze entering from the window does nothing to cool us down. On the contrary, the temperature just keeps rising and yet any distance between our bodies causes me almost physical pain. So, when Harm tries to lift up so he can push my shirt up and away, I just push and now I'm on top of him.

There are so many things at war inside me – need, want, sorrow, confusion, love. I don't think I've even felt so much at once. With every kiss, caress and touch this man is making me... feel...

But I can't really focus on all that now; the aching need takes over full force following a certain awakening touch of Harm's skillful fingers. I will analyze myself to death later. Much, much later. Maybe in a few decades, when I stop trembling at his touch.

Maybe. Maybe never.

--

End

(For real this time!)


End file.
